Before time runs out on this Wednesday, I wanted to make sure I got this post in.
I have always loved words. Since before I could even read, according to my mama. On their own or grouped into sentences, certain words stand out to you at different times, for different reasons. Word Crush Wednesday is how I will display my appreciation for words. Today, the word soften is having an effect on me. I’ll tell you why.
ˈsôfən/verbTO MAKE OR BECOME LESS HARD.
Lately I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what kind of person I am and the things that have made me who I am. For the most part, I am very happy with and proud of who I am. I’m the girl who has no problem speaking her mind and is often times much harsher with my delivery than I intend to be. I don’t show much emotion (but I’m FAR more sensitive than I’m comfortable admitting. I am super compassionate and I worry about everything and everyone. There are strangers I’ve encountered over the years whom I still wonder about and hope that they’re okay). I have a pretty short temper, and the ultimate resting bitch face. I’ve always been aware of the fact that these things make me seem cold and uncaring. And for a long time I didn’t care, which obviously didn’t help the matter at all.
It took years for me to realize that this is how I protect myself. It’s how I keep people from getting too close to be able to do much harm. My attitude has always been, “If people don’t take the time to get to know me, then why should I care what they think of me?” Just because I don’t show emotions doesn’t mean I don’t feel them. But how can people get to know me if I make it difficult to do so? Seems obvious, right? But that’s not how I chose to see it. I’m a Taurus. What can I say? We’re determined in our stubbornness.
So “soften” stands out to me right now because I want to change the part of me that feels the need to protect myself from the world. As hard as I know it will be, I need to put down the shield. It’s heavy. I am working on being softer on the outside, in order to allow people to see more of who I am on the inside.
I’ll keep you posted on my progress. 😉